DISASTER ZONE: VOLCANO IN NEW YORK, the Sci-Fi Channel's latest original disaster flick, the second involving volcanoes following last month's dreary MAGMA: VOLCANIC DISASTER (review here), is basically 1997's VOLCANO transplanted to the East Coast with a made-for-TV budget and given the Sci-Fi Channel mentality. Hard to imagine one trying to make a dumbed down version of that already quite imbecilic Tommy Lee Jones' volcano in L.A. flick but that's exactly what this is. And despite the title, there is no actual volcano, not even one materializing in the very last scene like in VOLCANO. You almost have to admire the gall of the filmmakers to even try and make a film of this scale on a budget ranging between somewhere between one to three million dollar range. It's clear they were way over their heads as evidenced by the computerized lava that always looks like pre-gelatinous orange Jell-O and excessive use of stock footage.

DISASTER ZONE: VOLCANO IN NEW YORK was originally filmed under the title CORE: BOILING POINT. I don't know if that means this was initially intended to be a sequel to THE CORE or a really terrible title that was thankfully changed to something still bad but not as bad or a combination sequel in which Wesley Snipes plays a treasury agent that pursues criminal Dennis Hopper to the center of the earth. I'd have much preferred the latter. At least it would have featured less shaky cam antics.

A perfect example of what's wrong with this movie is typified in a rather comical scene involving a guy night fishing in just the right spot as an underwater volcanic fissure opens. The boiling water leads to him catching fish that are already cooked. Sure, this is rather dopey but the situation and his bewilderment is actually quite amusing. Then his boat suddenly explodes for inadequately explained reasons and once again we're thumped on the head with the stupid hammer. Not the good stupid hammer; the bad stupid hammer from which far too many Sci-Fi Channel movies are nailed together with.

Costas Mandylor (rarely a good sign to see his name top billed) is New York City's top "sandhog" (underground tunnel drillers) in charge of creating new subway tunnels. All is going well for him and his ragtag bunch until a small earthquake starts turning the water in the pipes acidic; they burst and fellow sandhogs take direct hits. I'll say this for the film; I've never seen a disaster movie as gory as this one. One guy gets his face eroded, another gets sprayed in the chest causing some of his intestines to erupt forth. You won't see that in an Irwin Allen production.

Before the chaos subsides, three people are dead (a third gets electrocuted in an almost comedic manner), explosives are inadvertently set off, and Costas Mandylor swears he saw a lava flow erupt from the tunnel walls. Naturally, his boss doesn't believe him and suspends him pending investigation. Naturally (by Sci-Fi Channel standards), his boss is in cahoots with a misguided scientist looking to create a new source of geothermic energy that involves drilling into the Earth's core. You'll never find a movie where something like this is portrayed as anything but potentially catastrophic. The secret research drill site is in a Manhattan warehouse down by the Hudson River of all places. As you've already guessed, the only thing this is going to generate is a potential volcanic eruption in New York City. Just don't tell any of them this because they're too busy counting the untold billions they'll make when they patent their creation.

Costas Mandylor goes to meet with the US Geologic Survey people called in to investigate, and wouldn't you know it that one of them turns out to be his ex-wife. Gee, I wonder where this is headed. And congratulations to Alexandra Paul on the occasion of her 374th consecutive appearance as a science babe in a Sci-Fi Channel movie.

After about a hundred homeless people in Central Park are asphyxiated by the volcanically tainted air, Homeland Security, convinced that terrorists are targeting New York City again, arrive and takeover the investigation. I must admit that making overzealous federal agents convinced that terrorists are behind whatever is going on is a new twist on things. It works at first but by the time an entire subdivision burns to the ground due to underground magma that even spills out a door onto one very unlucky neighbor, it's time to concede that Al Qaeda is not the culprit. But not in this movie! By the time the Mayor of New York City and all of his doubting advisors realize that the ex-spouse's are right about volcanic activity under Manhattan there are full blown lava geysers shooting up from manholes.

The last three segments are greeted with a hilarious graphic coming back from commercial informing us of the following segment might be disturbing to some viewers. I've never seen a movie post 9/11 accompanied by a graphic informing us that a segment of the movie as opposed to the movie in general might be too disturbing. Then again, I can't recall a movie since 9/11 that has gone out of its way to recreate visuals that look like news footage taken that day. Or was it actual aerial footage from Manhattan taken after the towers fell? Given the filmmakers regular use of mixing actual stock footage with the fictional stuff as a cost-saving measure, whether it be of an underground volcanic fissure emerging or a house burning to the ground, it may very well have been and, if so, I'd say that's more than a little tacky.

The plan to save New York City takes a cue from both VOLCANO and ARMAGEDDON as Costas Mandylor leads the remaining members of his misfit sandhogs team - who were introduced to us in great detail during the film's first act before disappearing for the bulk of the middle section only to be brought back for finale so the rest of them can be killed off - to open a tunnel for the rising magma to follow and pour right out into the ocean thus saving New York City from a non-volcano related volcanic eruption. A running joke is based around a male sandhog complaining that women don't lust after them like they do firemen to which the only female sandhog suggesting it's because firemen have calendars. The end credits are preceded by a montage showing the sandhogs posing for their calendar, a gag that might be funnier if not for the fact that we've just seen most of these characters get roasted alive.

The bottom of the barrel is scraped in regards to the research scientist in charge of the ill conceived geothermic energy drilling project, played with typical gusto by the great Michael Ironside. You can smell the grubby fingerprints of the producers all over the screenplay when it comes to his character as he goes from being a determined if misguided scientist to mad scientist to horror movie madman by the third act. He flips out at the prospect of anyone shutting down his life's work and forces everyone to proceed without caution. This increases the volcanic activity and, in the process, gets himself lit on fire. He somehow survives and begins roaming the city looking like a Darkman version of Two-Face. When he shows up at the end in the tunnel with the sandhogs waving a gun and raving like a comic book supervillain... I just can't imagine a competent screenwriter doing this without much prodding from a producer. It's so far off the logic spectrum that you don't know whether to laugh or be mortified at such a dunderheaded plot twist.

That last statement pretty much sums up my feelings towards the film as a whole. I can't say I either fully enjoyed or completely disliked DISASTER ZONE: VOLCANO IN NEW YORK but I'd be lying if I said I became less and less entertained the longer it went on. It's halfway decent entertainment up to a point, but at this point I'm convinced that the producers of the Sci-Fi Channel original films are so pigeonholed into following certain formulas, particualar character archetypes, and hitting action beats every few minutes that I find myself wondering if even the combined screenwriting talents of David Mamet, Orson Welles, Woody Allen, and William Shakespeare could pen one of these films without seeing it transformed into just another SNAKE KING, DEEP SHOCK, or NATURE UNLEASHED: AVALANCHE.

Important safety tip for all you scientists out there: never mix your molten rock with your Michael Ironside. I'm not a chemist so I don't understand the scientific properties involved, but as plainly demonstrated by this film, the chemical reaction of lava coming into direct contact with Michael Ironside is a violent explosion. Consider yourself warned.