COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: YOUR CHILDHOOD
Now I can at least understand motion pictures based on TRANSFORMERS and G.I.JOE and other varied action figure toylines that at least had a running storyline built into them. Now, with Hollywood more hellbent than ever to produce movies based on name recognition properties, the toys and board games being rushed to the big screen are taking on a degree of weirdness.
Ridley Scott making a movie version of the board game MONOPOLY?
Another CLUE movie from the director of the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN films?
The director of ENCHANTED bringing the board game CANDYLAND to the big screen?
How about a supernatural thriller based on the OUIJA board, not to be confused with all other supernatural movies built around a Ouija board not actually titled OUIJA that have preceded it?
And let's not forget that live-action STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie in the works.
If you played with it as a kid there's a heck of a chance Hollywood is plotting to spend millions to make it into a major motion picture. When Ain't It Cool News did a story about the STRETCH ARMSTRONG movie a week or so ago a writer that works in Hollywood dropped this amazing little anecdote:
"I took a meeting where they pitched me on "Magic 8 Ball" the movie. When I didn't respond to that, the production company (Tollin/Robbins, the Smallville people) then asked me to incorporate the Magic 8 Ball or any Mattel toys into some of my original pitches and build up the significance of the toys since they wanted to make movies either about the toys or with the toys prominently featured in them. I'm talking I literally pitched a movie that had kids in the story in an Encyclopedia Brown kind of way and they said "what if they do all of their discovering with the help of the Magic 8 Ball on their journey"...yeah...Magic 8 Ball the movie, unless it's about mystical cocaine, is going to suck."
Welcome to the future of cinema, kiddies.
With TRANSFORMERS and IRON MAN boffo at the box office expect to hear about a big budget ROCK'EM SOCK'EM ROBOTS movie any minute now. Perhaps we'll even be gifted with an ARACHNOPHOBIA-style "thrillomedy" based COOTIES. Or how about the game STRATEGO brought to the big screen in the form of an anti-Iraq War message movie? Dakota Fanning and (Insert Jonas Brother Here) in a high school comedy set in home economics class built around the EASY BAKE OVEN sounds like it could be a winner, eh? LAWN DARTS: THE MOVIE certainly has a nice ring to it, especially when you put those lawn darts in the hands of a coked out James Woods? They could all happen, folks. Today's sarcastic comments could be tomorrow's "coming soon to a theater near you".
I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for a hard R-rated nature gone amok gorefest based on HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS. At the very least the Sci-Fi Channel should do it. Aren't we overdue a killer hippo flick?